Days 121- 137 Time Out

Suddenly there was someone else trying to help. Over the next couple of days, Lee seemed to settle into his new accommodations without too much trouble. We didn't know who these ACT people were but Doreen Littlejohn was keeping us informed as to Lee's actions and for the first time someone else was accepting responsibility for Lee. Patti and I were stressed out nearly to the breaking point. We had to get out of the maelstrom and just have time to get our heads straight. I spoke to Doreen, explained the situation, and asked if it was advisable for us to take a week of holidays at this time. Doreen came straight to the point for the first time since Lee landed in the hospital someone gave me a good dose of common sense in her advice.

" Mr. Barrett, right now you and your wife can't help Lee. He's got to learn to survive on his own and that's our job. The time may come when you can help him but if the two of you fold up you won't be able to when you're needed. If you two are out of the picture for a little while and are not available every time he screws up, it may force Lee to deal with reality on his own and accommodate to his new situation. We'll be there to pick up any pieces so you two just take a holiday and get your batteries recharged. O.K.?".

It was like a breath of fresh air. On Saturday, Jan. 14 Patti and I left for Vancouver Island and escaped from the madness.

Lee's Journal Entry: Jan 14, 1996

i feel like going insane. my head is full of this weird energy. it’s a weird feeling. i’m depressed. i’ve done nothing but smoke since i got up. i wish i had something to drink. i never made it to the liquor store yesterday. later i’ll go to the wine store and pick up ciders. tomorrow i’m buying 3 bottles of rum. tomorrow i just want to die. i wish i’d get pcp then i would refuse treatment and die.

i feel like my head is going to explode.

i need alcohol to get through this shit.

i’ve been chain smoking

next week i plan on getting the $800 mom & dad owe me and go out and buy tons of rum.

i’ll get 5 more bottles of it

next week i’m just going to lay in bed, drink rum, smoke and watch tv. it will be a nice vacation from this depression and weird feeling in my head.

i wish i’d get pcp and die

i’m now waiting for my homecare worker to show up. yesterday i told her I need pots & pans, some dishes, a can opener and cutlery. i hope she gets it and brings it today.

i can’t stop chain smoking.

i don’t know why my life has been nothing but shit.

i’m going to stop taking my septra n hope i get pcp.

my homecare worker has just arrived and she couldn’t get the pots and pans this weekend. this depression is driving me insane.

i’m just going to have to drink all the time in order to cope with it.

fuck. i’m just chain smoking.

i don’t know if i have the effort to go to the wine store.

i’m so depressed

i’m fed up with it

i wish i had a gun.

i can’t wait till tomorrow when i can drink rum.

i’m bored. there’s nothing to do and nothing on tv.

i’m just so damned depressed, i just don’t know what to do about it.

tomorrow i’m going to get 5 bottles of rum.

i wish i had the energy to go to the wine store.

fuck, i’m depressed

i wish i had a bottle of rum right now

i wish i had the energy to go to the wine store and get ciders.

i’m so depressed i can’t handle it.

i wish i had some rum.

i knew i should have gone to the liquor store yesterday.

i’m just smoking.

i hope i get pcp. i’m going to stop taking the septra.

i’m bored stiff. i’ve been smoking too much and i don’t care.

ug there’s nothing on tv. i’m totally bored. i could go to the liquor store but i don’t feel like it. i don’t know what to do. i really ought to go to the liquor store.

this fucking depression is driving me insane,

i can’t cope with it anymore.

I feel like committing suicide

i’m just going to go to the liquor store

i don’t think i will wait till tomorrow to get ciders.

i’m so indecisive i just don’t know what to do.

this depression is driving me insane.

i have this feeling in my head it’s driving me insane

all that i’ve been doing is smoking

mon. i’m going to get 5 bottles of rum and i’ll drink some every day first thing in the morning, anything to ease this depression i just start crying because of the depression & the weird feeling in my head

i’m in so much pain

i chain smoked all day

i’m just so depressed.

i just can’t take it.

We spent 4 days on the Island and gradually managed to begin to unwind. We spent a day with old friends in Parksville, a day in Victoria, another in Tofino, and the last day was spent in a leisurely drive back up to the Comox Valley and Courtney. We visited Museums and galleries whenever they were encountered, we ate in good restaurants and stayed in decent motels, we drank gallons of beer while we drove through miles and miles of beautiful scenery and we talked and talked and talked and tried to make some sense of all the bullshit that had happened to us in the past three months. Nothing made sense, but slowly and surely we began to regain some sort of understanding of our priorities and to get things into a proper perspective. We had to put the past behind us for the time being and just try to get through each day as it came.

By the Thursday of our week on the Island, Patti and I both had enough of trees, mountains, lakes, boats, coves and docks, and we decided to go home. We were both still exhausted, and we couldn’t really afford the motels and eating out. A couple of nights good sleep in our own bed might do wonders for us both. We returned back to Surrey on Friday morning and just sort of collapsed into the comfort of familiar surroundings.

There were 4 messages waiting for us on our answering machine, all from Lee, all pleading to be taken home. Among the pile of junk mail and bills that had stacked up there was a Summons for Lee that had been forwarded from Normandy House. He was to appear to answer shoplifting charges at Shoppers Drug Mart the second night of his stay at Normandy. Very interesting. First time we'd heard of it. Does not compute.

I called ACT and they were on the job. Lee was still very much alive and acting up. He had been drinking so much that they had to take his meds away and basically blackmail him into an appointment to see Dr. De Wet on Monday. Lee wants to get his Ritalin increased but he can’t without going. I told them about the summons for Lee and they said not to worry, they would attend to it. We went back to a holiday and privacy by simply refusing to answer the phone. The answering machine finally came in useful.

The following week was quiet. Lee called several times demanding I pay him the money he feels I owe him. I put him off until the Monday when we were to meet with him and the ACT group. We concluded he had finally exhausted his bank account and was broke. He would now have to manage with his welfare income without the benefit of a “discretionary” booze fund at his disposal.